so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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