Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
