The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
