like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
