I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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