So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
