the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
