Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
