I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize