dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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