just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
