There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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