Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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