Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
