You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
