I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
