i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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