Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
