Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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