Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
