I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
