last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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