fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
