Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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