she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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