So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
