After last night, I could never be a politician.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
