Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
