He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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