what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
