i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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