My friends, they love my intelligence
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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