I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
