I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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