I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My vagina is officially offended.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
