uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
