so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
