ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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