well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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