I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
