the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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