it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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