her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
