Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
