Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
