help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
