We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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