You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
