Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
