beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
