Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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