this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
