hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize