no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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