youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
