Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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