I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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