so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
