I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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