I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
