so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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