I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
