The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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