Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's blow job season.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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