remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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