Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
