To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
