im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
