Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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