You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
