Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
