i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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