we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
