Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
