youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
