dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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