look no pants
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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