Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
