dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
