it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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