just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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