Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am available for nakedness
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
