i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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