im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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