He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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