lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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