So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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