I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
